THIS is the culprit. The reason for the latest rant I prepare to throw all on you. This picture you see right beneath these lines...
Taken a couple of days ago, it is meant to represent just how cosy and comfortable I am wearing my brand new Adidas, in my freshly washed, pearly white duvet, showcasing carefully messed up hair. An Instagram ready still to capture some of my fabulosity. Instead, all I saw, was a nose.
A nose; curved to the ground, shaped by a riding fall, signature of my grandfather's side of the house - proud insignia of regal ancestors. A bloody eyesore from where I am standing.
But I am not here to complain. After all, I've grown attached to it over time (geddit?). I've logged on to turn this toxic perspective on its head, this erroneous concept that my little sniffer friend doesn't belong on my face and to help the big snout population to finally learn to love their face's prime resident.
Let's blame Disney. And catwalks. And magazines. And E!. Let's give a telling off to all those beauty selectors, facial harmony prophets who insist and have convinced us that small is the only size this feature should come in. Let's ask ourselves why something so insignificant can make us hide away, delete pictures of our profile and even go as far as having it rebuilt? Can't big and beautiful or crooked and suited be accepted in this realm?
A big nose is a true sign of character. It's a poem, a flashing sign that the person attached to it is interesting, mysterious, reflective.
According to Chinese face reading, people bearing a large nose are often strong willed, self-reliant and ambitious. They take on responsibilities others shy away from and are regarded highly by the community. They chase down dreams and set themselves ambitious goals that they must always accomplish. Not too shabby, hey snoot?
So, if anything to give myself peace of mind on the shape of my own nose, I've decided to look through some hotties with big hooters. I dare you to say they're not beautiful...
1. Barbra Streisand
The woman can act, sing and has the complexion of a marble putto. That's not a nose, that's charisma attached to her face!
2. Adrien Brody
Just look at him. How much are those eyes transmitting from the back of that nose? Picture him without that signature muzzle and he loses part of his appeal, don't you agree?
3. Sarah Jessica Parker
I personally think she is the most attractive unattractive woman walking the earth right now. Her unique style would be sliced in half if it was a Hollywood designer nose she wore proudly on her face.
4. Javier Bardem
Here's the man with a face composed by other people's spare parts. But isn't he rocking them? He's a manly man, who can go from latin stallion to James Bond baddy at the change of a wig. No doubt this leading man has pecked his way to the limelight!
So there you have it, my mini list of grand people with formidable noses. If you've read this with painful familiarity, smile, chances are your little friend makes your face that much more remarkable. Give your reflexion a kiss goodnight and flaunt what the facial structure gods gave ya. Let's make way for a new shape of beauty. Propose a toast for glorious diversity. Let's nozzle our way into perfection's Hall of Fame!